Matt Awesome

so i woke up this morning, and after brushing my teeth, etc, i went on the internet since i didn't feel like dealing with real people.
i looked at AIM, and i had a bunch of IM's waiting for me, but from people i could really give less of a shit about, so i ignored them.
i checked myspace, and saw nothing new, because everyone ditched myspace for facebook.
and i considered looking at facebook, but i was sure that, as per usual, everything that popped up on my news feed fly far below my radar of interest, since i don't really care about hearing how bored people are, or a majority of people's plans that don't include me.
for the same reason, i decided to forego twitter.
in search of pictures from last night, i decided to lurk rhylli, and checked out her pictures on flickr and tumblr and thought 'hey, these sites are pretty cool!' then i remembered i'm not a photographer, so i can't have a flickr account, and i'm not really interested in making hip, artsy blog posts, so tumblr seems kind of pointless.
and to be honest, i'm not really interested in blogging at all, so now that i think about it, writing here is kind of pointless too.
i think i'll read a book.

Hello, Matt. It's Matt. How are you doing? Right now, I'm pretty tired -- it's nearly 1:00 in the morning and I'm writing this essay. How fun.

Currently, life is pretty frustrating, but there seems to be a visibly approaching light at the end of the tunnel. It's the end of the 3rd quarter, and all of the makeup work needs to be handed in tomorrow -- thus, I lay awake at 1:00 in the morning. Fortunately, the drama throughout my friends has long since ended, but I'm still pretty confused as to some decisions I've made.

So today, I wore jeans, a brown Folly shirt, BTBAM sweatshirt, and the same Macbeth shoes i had at the Warped Tour (best day ever). Jamie and I got into a pretty stupid fight earlier involving lunch trays and Vinnie the custodian being angry at me because of it. The issue was resolved, but if fights like this keep happening, it could tear us apart, which would not be a good thing for my psyche.

As a person, I'm pretty lame -- my group of friends is growing apart by the day, and the girls (Mary, Rach, Adeeti, Sally, Heather, etc.) have pretty much left us to form their own exclusionary group. I have a sense of humor involving pointless, random bursts of ADD-fueled energy (plus sarcasm), and my taste in music is strictly hardcore, metalcore, and screamo; this shows in my image. (HAHAHAHAHA) At this point in time, I am dating Amanda Gjelaj, who is older than I am, which makes no difference whatsoever. Currently, I am studying for the third Presidents test -- therefore, I am awake at 1:00 in the morning.

I'm in three bands right now -- Calibre, which is a screamo band consisting of myself, Morgan Brill, Teddy Katz, and Greg Werbin; a punk band called Caution Wet Floor with Sam Kulick, Justin Krim, and Dave Roberts; and this small new grind project with Kyle Kouri, Ross Brennan, Greg (again), and Max Gardner. Calibre is apparently supposed to play CBGB's in a few months, which is technically the 'show of our lives' considering that CBGB is the largest underground rock club in the country. Caution Wet Floor is literally right about to get sponsored by Halo Guitars. Unfortunately, there is no news for Chainsaw Makeover, since it just started last week, but it's still worth mentioning, because we just finished our first song, and it sounds amazing.

Tomorrow, John Fortenberry is supposed to visit our Latin class to see if he wants to pursue the language next year. If he does, we can exclude yet more people with our higher knowledge of useless languages. Also, this is the first time I'm voluntarily staying after school on a weekend since Amanda and Maggie are supposed to visit the school. There was SUPPOSED to be band practice, but Teddy decided to go to California for the weekend and leave tomorrow, so that messed everything up. And now, to sleep. Have fun graduating Greeley (or whatever high school you may be in right now).

written 3/7/05, delivered today. man...

on friday, some party whose name(s) i don't know decided to egg brian's house and car because they couldn't drink jungle juice inside, thus closing the montrose basement forever. i don't even have words to describe how infuriated i am. whenever it's made public who those dudes are, they're going to get mangled, probably long before i'll even have a chance to get at them. being known as the guy who ruined hudson valley hardcore because they couldn't drink is a pretty embarrassing title, which is equally hard to live down.

and i better not show up at a party to a circle of kids cracking open drinks or taking a huge hit proclaiming 'this one's for conor!' 'yeah, this is the way he'd do it!' how fucking stupid do you get? the way conor partied killed him, one would do well not to go down the same path. it's not the drugs you do and how raucous you get with them that would make him happy on whatever plane he's on (and i'm pretty sure caitlin wouldn't be too thrilled about it either.) if you think about it, inebriation isn't what made people like him, but the ideas and memories he put in everyone's head, and the fact that no matter how bad shit got, he DID NOT GIVE UP, and he did EVERYTHING HE COULD to make complete light of his life. i won't profess to knowing him well; in fact, there was a long period of time when every time i'd see him he wouldn't say a word to me. but if there's anything i got out of him, it was that.

if you comment this without being on my friends list, at least have the decency to sign your name.

of all the people in this world, why did conor mcgee have to be the one to die young?

you will be sorely, sorely missed. rest in peace.

2008. awesome:
getting the fuck out of junior year.
blacklisted - heavier than heaven, lonelier than god.
pellinore/surroundings - world darkness.
ceremony in CT. everything about the carrier.
first born.
SUNN O))) - domkirke.
seeing atlas shrugged and absolution, while watching poughkeepsie beat the shit out of NYC.
video 1/physics and design with kaser.
fucked up - the chemistry of common life.
armonk, ny. boston, ma. poughkeepsie, ny.
summer beach trip.
cursed - III
rivalry comeback at the basement. swallowed up at the basement. covering mudvayne at the basement.
earth - the bees made honey in the lion's skull
rocky's deli. chicken cutlet, bacon, american, toasted roll. 2am.

division of labor 2008. not awesome:
first born ending.
other things that happened just hours before first born ended.
danielle raskin.
january-march.
sarah sanchez.
junior year.
'ancient greek mythology'.
real artist management.
new jersey. fuck you, new jersey.

happy 2009.

yesterday i drove out to connecticut with dawn, and i ended up spending the evening with two of stickam's most well-known front page entertainers. yunno, the type that nobody normal knows or gives a shit about, but who were internet famous enough to make danielle sound like she was about to cry on the phone when she found out i was with them. we ended up going to the mall and making fun of everyone, driving through the local abandoned mental institution, etc., and i got to bond in the car with dawn for hours. it was a lot of fun. that's not the point.

dawn and i had to leave sort of early, so we said our goodbyes to the girl whose house we were at, and walked out the door to find stickam celeb #2 outside chain smoking. dude looked miserable the whole night, and this was no different. we ended up talking for almost an hour about the situation he was stuck in. he had been stuck in connecticut for the past two weeks to stay with this girl, who he was in some crazy internet dating situation with, and expected it to last long term. unfortunately for him, she decided to end it while he was in connecticut, $20 short of a plane ticket she was supposed to pay for half of. and instead of at least being amicable, she spends her entire days on stickam, not working to rescind her massive debt, and he's basically stuck lying upstairs in her bed all day. she even goes so far as texting him when she wants to talk, when he's a real person, just a small walking distance from her seat. it gets worse. and apparently this is something like the the 4th time he's traveled for a girl only to get fucked over.

i came home, talked to ian and alison for 20 minutes, then logged off because that fucking website made me feel sick. i'm never gonna go down that hole.

half stacks are for pussies. full stacks are for sean fuster.

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